Choosing your bridesmaids is like choosing who you want to go into battle with. There are times when things get stressful and you may get anxious. It’s those moments that you need your bridal troop to rally around you with encouragement and advice. You need a team by your side that has your best interests at heart, a team that is solid, united and backs you up throughout the whole process.
Unfortunately, when you choose bridesmaids for the wrong reasons, things can get tense and drama filled very quickly. Here are a few crazy reasons I’ve experienced that have, without fail, caused tension somewhere on the planning journey:
- Obligation – they’ve had you in their wedding party, or they are family members and you’re pressured to include them. But there really is no rule that says you must reciprocate. Guilty conscious invites are an open door to a tense experience. Remember, its all about creating a solid trusted team.
- Money – they are wealthy and will be able to assist with the events etc. You’d think I’m making this up, but this has happened! And it ended in disaster… as you can imagine! When the pressure is put on a wealthy bridesmaid to plan the bachelorette evening or kitchen tea, it can be uncomfortable for those who cannot afford the extravagance that she may be planning. Awkward awkward awkward, and can be a tad disrespectful too. Your team should decide things together, honestly and openly, and all the girls should be able to contribute without feeling embarrassed or shy about their available funds.
- Looks – Here’s where I wish I was kidding, but to quote someone directly “Yes I want to ask them because they’ll make my photos look good.” (insert gasp here!!) The problem with that is, if they’re not concerned about you and they clash with everyone else then you’re setting yourself up for drama are you not? The team that loves you is the most beautiful team!
- Even Numbers – A popular question I get asked is, “Is it a problem if we don’t have the same number bridesmaids to groomsmen?”. The answer is, absolutely not! There is literally no right and wrong way to get married! The day is yours alone, and the best ones are those that have been curated to suit your needs and your desires. (You can look out for my blog about wedding traditions to understand a little more of why we think the way we do about wedding etiquette)
- Coupled Up – you feel the need to choose them as a bridesmaid because their significant other is included. Again, this can cause them to feel uncomfortable throughout the process and not connect well with the other bridesmaids, which in turn, will make things uncomfortable for you.
Now that we have the crazy, weird, and ugly out the way, here are some positive things to look out for when choosing your bridesmaids.
- Family – siblings and cousins are your besties, and as you go through life you’ll probably just get closer, so you’ll want them to have this experience with you. However, like we said in the first pointers above, don’t do it out of obligation but because of connection.
- Connection – there is nothing more beautiful than when your bridesmaids have walked with you through life, experienced things with you, and understand who you are and what you love. You know they will have your back at every turn, encourage you when you’re down and be the calming force you need when you’re anxious.
And that’s it…those 2 reasons are all you need to decide who should be by your side, and they go hand in hand!
Happy planning, and good luck in choosing your bridesmaids tribe! And to all the bridesmaids… Stay tuned for more advice on how you can prepare yourself to be the best support you can be for the blushing bride! To get assistance on your planning journey click here